I May Stop Praying for People (But Not for the Reason You Think)
I know that sounds extreme—especially coming from a pastor. Of course, I pray for people. It’s literally part of my job. Lately, I’ve been rethinking not just the words I use in prayer, but the way I engage in it. I’m reminded of Matthew 18:20, where Jesus says, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them”. I don’t just want to be someone who says, “I’ll pray for you”. I want to be someone who prays with you. This isn’t about nitpicking vocabulary—it’s about shifting the way I (and maybe we) approach prayer. Here’s why I believe this small change in mindset can make a big difference.
- Praying with Others Eliminates the Divide
Sometimes, whether intentionally or not, we create a distinction between “spiritual” people—those who seem like prayer warriors—and the rest of us. It’s easy to think, I need someone holier than me to pray for me, as if pastors, small group leaders, or older believers have some special access to God that others don’t. Prayer isn’t reserved for a select few. If you are a child of God, you can pray, and God hears you. Scripture challenges us: “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God”. (Philippians 4:6) It doesn’t say only certain people can pray—it’s an invitation for every believer. Shifting from praying for to praying with helps break down that divide. Instead of viewing prayer as something only a certain group does on behalf of others, it becomes something we all do together. Think of it this way: instead of someone handing me a letter and saying, “Take this to God for me,” I want to stand next to that person, and together, we go before the throne of grace. We both need God’s help. We both have requests. So let’s bring them to Him—together.
- Praying with Others Changes How We Ask for Prayer
Have you ever asked someone to pray for you about something, but deep down, you knew you hadn’t even prayed about it yourself? I have, and I think that’s something we can all relate to. When we prioritize praying with each other, it reminds us that we have personal access to God. It’s not about outsourcing prayer to someone “more spiritual” but about coming alongside one another in mutual dependence on Him. If you bring a request to me, I want to pray with you in that moment, and I want you to pray too. This shift in thinking encourages us to take personal ownership of our prayer life instead of treating it as something we delegate to others.
- Praying with Others Leads to Immediate Prayer
I want to be the kind of person who stops and prays right then and there when someone shares a need. I’ve known people like that—people who don’t just promise to pray but actually stop, put a hand on a shoulder, and say, “Let’s pray about that right now”. I grew up in North Carolina, and the pastor of the church I attended was like this. You knew that almost every interaction with him would end in a quick moment of prayer. Some of those small moments were deeply memorable for me as a teenager. Too often, we hear a need and either make a mental note to pray later (and sometimes forget) or write it down on a prayer list for another time. What would it look like if we became a people who didn’t just talk about prayer, but practiced it immediately? Imagine a church family where prayer wasn’t just something we did behind closed doors, but something that happened in real time—walking through hallways, in the middle of conversations, right there in the moment.
Of course, there will always be times when we need to pray for others. Some people may not know God yet, or they may be in such a difficult situation that they can’t even find the words to pray. In those cases, interceding on their behalf is both necessary and loving. More and more, I want to develop a mindset where prayer is something I do with people, not just for them. I want to be the kind of person who doesn’t just carry the burden of prayer for others, but invites them to share in it—because we are all sinners in need of God’s grace.
How about you? Who could you start praying with instead of just praying for? You don’t need to be a “prayer warrior” or a “super saint”. You just need to know that we can: “Come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need”. (Hebrews 4:16)